It is hard to admit, but in the Dream world, I have never spent much time in the water. And I love being in water in the awake world.
In my Dreams, I have been onshore and watched perfect peeling waves but have never ventured into the water. I usually steered my Dream body away from all water. Water in the Dream world has a feeling of limitless depth. It is not my natural element in the Dream world. You cannot see what is under you and what possibly terrifying things are coming.
Water’s vastness, emptiness, and dark depth are so unknowable. I have been killed many times on land by animals. The fear that comes with being surrounded by wolves closing in is terrifying.
But I can see it, I can feel it, and I can predict it. Running from a bear and having it catch you and eat you is scary, but bobbing in the water above an unknown number of unknown predators that you cannot see coming: that seems a different kind of terror.
But all this could be my own trip. I do surf, and I have heard many great white stories, seen plenty of shark videos, shark pictures, et cetera. So, it’s kind of easy to see myself being in one of those stories. And maybe I transfer these awake-world fears when I am in the Dream world.
Lately, I have been trying to grow up a bit in my Dream life. And lately, I seem to be running or avoiding fear a lot when in Dream, well more than usual. It kind of feels like a stuck pattern. So, I am deciding to be more open to anything that happens in Dream, not to give in to my first feelings of discomfort.
Last night, I entered into Dream. I was standing on the edge of a wide, deep canal that ran into the ocean.
The water was completely flat, no wind, no ripples. Like a sheet of glass. Normally, I would just move along and do something else, even though the water looks beautiful and inviting. But this time, I just said fuck it and jumped in.
It felt fantastic to be in the water with a Dream body. I swam feeling my body move through the water. I concentrated on my arms stroking and cutting through the water as I swam freestyle. I could feel my arm hair as it moved through the water. It just felt so wonderful with my Dream body. I stopped swimming and treaded water.
It’s been years since I was with my Dream teacher; it’s been years since I have been really, really terrified in Dream.
I felt calm in the water. I thought I was ready for some terror. As
I floated in the water, alone, I called a great white. Call is maybe not the correct word because I was not using words; maybe invoked is better. I created an energy shift or maybe relaxed into a kind of space in which a kind of energy exists that opens everything into the potential of it happening.
So, I am treading water waiting…strangely, I have no fear…waiting…nothing coming yet…still no fear…waiting. I wait for a little while. I sense nothing is going to come, so I swim to the edge of the canal and get out.
Don’t be afraid to be that weird guy.
Pages from Hapless Wanderings
