Artful Dodger

It all started with a simple question: Why can’t I just say no? For years, I found myself trapped in a cycle of overcommitting, dreading social obligations, and then devising increasingly elaborate ways to wiggle out of them. From family reunions to office happy hours, I became the master of the artful dodge. But it wasn’t always so glamorous.

As a child, I was the kid who showed up to birthday parties with a perpetually sprained ankle or a mysterious stomachache. By adulthood, I’d graduated to more sophisticated excuses—like the time I claimed my dog had eaten my passport (and then proceeded to explain how the dog had also eaten my luggage tags, just to be thorough). It wasn’t until I realized that my knack for evasion could be turned into a service that things really took off.

The breakthrough came during a particularly grueling holiday season. I was buried under a avalanche of invitations—从家庭聚会到无聊的商业会议—and I simply couldn’t keep up with the lies. That’s when I had an epiphany: why not charge people for the same kind of creativity I’d been using to save myself? And so, Artful Dodger was born.

At first, it was just me, a laptop, and a thesaurus. I’d spend hours crafting excuses that were equal parts plausible and absurd—like the time I invented a fictional medical condition called “chronic over-socialization fatigue” for a client who wanted to skip a networking event. But as the demand grew, I realized I’d stumbled upon something truly special: a service that not only solved a universal problem but also celebrated the absurdity of modern social obligations.

Now, after years of perfecting the art of the dodge, I’m proud to say that Artful Dodger has become the go-to destination for anyone who’s ever wanted to escape a bad date, skip a boring meeting, or simply enjoy a quiet night in without feeling guilty. And while some might call it cheating, I like to think of it as strategic social navigation. After all, life’s too short to say yes to everything—and too short to feel guilty about saying no.

Here’s to the art of the dodge—and to mastering the fine art of avoiding the things that don’t serve us. Cheers to living life on our own terms.